The decision to go back to college

Toughest decision in life!

Any mother going back to school is a huge step. I have tried and failed at college. Mainly because of my huge workload at work and at home. It has just always seemed impossible. I would try and fail because of variour reasons. My horrible time-management, and my lack of time in general! But in reality, we will always have a bunch of excuses why it just won’t work out.

How do you make that decision to return to college after all of these years?

Find out if it will work for you! You know your life and you know your capabilities. If school isn’t right for you then try your best to start something you love. Even if it is at a slow pace. I have had dreams of becoming a doctor before I had children. Today, I find out that there are more non-traditional medical school students than ever before. Not everything has to be so traditional. There are women and men in their 30’s and 40’s just now becoming a doctor. It is never too late.

Now I am just going to sit here and wait for my “YOUR IN” phone call. If it works out then it is meant to be. If it doesn’t, then this is my queue to start something that I have wanted to try for a long time. Either way it goes, the decision will still be in my favor!

Lots of Love

Ray

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Small Hiatus but im back!

I just read my last blog post and I had tears coming from my eyes. That was a damn good blog post and even though it has only been 2 months since I posted that blog so many things have changed.
Well first, I can check a few more things off of my to-do list for this year. Not only did I move but I also bought a new car. Yay! This was extremely needed because I have been sharing a car with my boyfriend for years, and we are both taking a breath of fresh air. We have an amazing home and I can’t help but to Thank God day after day for all of the many blessings he has bestowed upon us. For a while I have been so happy that I have been shouting “I HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE” Just thinking about my journey these past few months make me smile.
Now that things have calmed down and we have settled into our new place I have been focusing more on what I would like to accomplish as far as my career. College being my most challenging decision.
I understand that college is a great experience. You learn a lot, you meet many people, and you start to embark on a mission to be great in your field. My dilemma is that I don’t know what I truly would like to be. I don’t want to settle and pay thousands of dollars back if I will not love what im doing. I have done research on becoming a teacher, a doctor, a real estate agent, a nurse, an executive assistant. None of them fit. Even when I try to force it, I really don’t want to be those things. To be absolutely honest, I would rather be a house-wife/stay at home mom. But who has the money for all of that? Not I said the cat. I am sure that I will fall in love with something. It all takes time. In the meantime I have been doing tons of research on how to start a self hosted blog. Pinterest is like a blogging library. It has everything you need to know about setting up your own blog. Unfortunately it is more expensive than how they describe. $3.95 a month? Yeah right. More like $3.95 a month for 36 months, and by the way they want it in advance. The day will come soon enough…

That moment when you realize summer is only a few months away #GETFIT #FITFABNOW

“I can’t wait until the summer! I am so sick of this cold weather.”

Looks down at your beer belly.

“Never mind.”

I am overjoyed that summer is coming but I did not stick with my winter workout plan, so that I could be prepared for this summer. I have gained an additional 30 pounds since last year. It will take me by the fall to lose at least 30 to 50 pounds (when your already over weight you lose more pounds vs. women who are at a more healthy weight). I want to start over! Do we get do-overs? Of course not, ya snooze you lose! I am no where near bathing suit ready. I literally just started working out this month!

I am back to documenting my weight loss journey. Last April I purchased a treadmill that I thought I would use. I heard Tyra Banks saying how when she watches her favorite television shows, instead of sitting on the couch, she runs. It makes the time go by faster, and she is able to breeze through her workouts. I tried and failed. There is just something about going to the gym to do something as simple as running that pumps me up. Because when I am at the gym, I actually want to do something that is going to get my heart pumping. So now that I realized this, what the crap am I going to do with my treadmill? I don’t want to sell it for half of what it is worth! I’ll figure it out.

I am back on my C25K app. I just started today and my legs were giving out on me. I have tried and failed my app, but I hope I am able to stick to it. I really want to complete these few weeks and see if I am actually able to run 30 minutes straight by the end of this app. I will keep you guys updated on my weight loss during this week and also how my body adapts to my workouts. I am still a beginner but hopefully my muscles will adapt well with the change. Right now, I don’t care how fast I can run, as long as I am able to run more than 2 minutes straight.

I have also been doing strength training. I know a lot of trainers suggest that I walk first, jog if I can. Do more cardio at first, but I love strength training more. It is much easier for me as well. Cardio can be hard on my legs and my knees. I have also been trying to get into the habit of cycling. There is no way I will be attending a cycle class anytime soon. I am extremely intimidated, and i am fine with that. I feel as though I am too overweight for most of the classes that they offer. But once I drop 50 pounds, I will start participating in them. Right now, I have so much flubber it is hard for me to even sit in certain positions. I would love to try out yoga, and things like that. But I honestly feel as though I am too overweight to try them.

Besides, summer is only a few months away, and if I can successfully complete my C25K by the summer, I will be one happy camper.

Now onto my diet. Okay, I have no diet. It is really challenging to stick to a diet if I don’t meal prep. So the next time I go grocery shopping I will purchase foods so that I can meal prep. I feel like im on a scavenger hunt looking for something healthy, and when I can’t find it I turn for the worse. I have been excellent at eating at work which is surprising. I eat a salad everyday for lunch because that is the only healthy item they serve in there, and I have fruit for my 2 snacks during the day. Breakfast is usually quick and easy, and dinner is where I simply eat moderately and avoid anything deep fried.

That is all I have for my new and improved #W8UPD8 LOL! I will try my best to update every Wednesday.

Personal Goals + Dreaming Big in 2015

Happy New Year!!!

I have been scrolling through my feed and reading random bloggers posts about how they want to approach the new year and it is so inspiring. I read one of the most inspiring ones by YAYdecor, she had gotten really deep (REAL deep) in her blog post about her marriage, her personal financial hardships, her family, her weight, and I could totally understand and even partially relate. You see how well other people are doing and fully understand that no matter how successful they are, and how far they are at achieving their goals compared to yours. All in all, they have real life issues just like you, and personal goals that they want to set for themselves just like you do.

Every New Year I get the blues. I have an ambitious spirit, there is something about me that just wants to always push for more and push for greater. 2014 has really been stagnant in my opinion. I haven’t set out to do the things that I wanted to do. I felt as though I hadn’t accomplished much of anything rather than maintaining what I already have. So lets go down the list shall we?

I did not save! FAIL

I did not move! FAIL

I did get a promotion! CHECK

Me and my family are in good health and have been safe, and have went another year without any devastation! CHECK

I pray more! CHECK

I did not start a business! FAIL

I did not start my classes! FAIL

I can’t really think of anything else….SMH!

All in all, this feeling that I am feeling right now is going to be my last year feeling like this. Feeling like what you may ask? Sorry for myself. Depressed and alone.

One thing that I can say about this new year is that I am truly blessed! I have all of the things that I need, and a lot of the things that I wanted. But when it boils down to personal goals that I need to fight and work hard for, I cannot say that I have made a worthy effort.

This post is here to remind myself that this will be the last time I ever feel like this again. I have goals for my life and now that I have all that I need this will be the year that I work hard for all of the things that I want out of life. With my blog and my weight loss journey being on the top of the list. Life is all about growth, and apart of growing is challenging yourself. I know that year after year people say and do the same things. They create these new years resolutions and it is simply that. A plan with no action. But we are going to stop that in 2014, and pursue a dream. For anyone who is reading this, I hope that you work hard and accomplish your goals in 2015. Don’t let anyone tell you that your not worthy to be who you want to be in life. Don’t let those negative thoughts stop you from your blessing.

One of my New Years resolutions was to be the woman and live the life that I would want my daughters to be proud of. More than anything my family is and will always be important, but it is important to me that they know that when they grow older.

Sorry, I don’t want to end on a sappy note.

But I hope you all have had a wonderful New Years and I hope that you take the time out to reflect and strive for an even better year.

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!

And just like that, Christmas is over.

After a full month of browsing through weekly ads, stressing out on what to get your mother in law for Christmas, even fighting with other moms and sometimes even grandmas on Black Friday. Just like that, its all over. All of the hard work and hard earned money is gone just like that.

Christmas is my favorite holiday. Ever since I was a little girl, I wished my parents would just do a little bit more year after year. I wanted the Christmas lights on the exterior of our home, I wanted the fireplace decked out, I wanted to go Christmas shopping. I wanted it all! There was never a mistletoe, reindeers on top of the house, and fake snow all over our yard (mind you I lived in Florida at the time)

Now that I am a parent, I get it. No one wants to go broke over a holiday! Even though for some reason we all still do. Because even though it seems nice and looks nice, Christmas is only celebrated for a month. After that we are just trying to dodge the snow and keep from getting into an accident as we make our way to and from work. Life goes on. Santa isn’t real, and neither is his workshop. Us parents ARE the workshop. Year after year, I stress myself out trying to get everything so that the kids can feel like its Christmas. I go hunting for toys, gingerbread houses, christmas cookies, christmas arts and crafts, reindeer food (oatmeal with glitter), a few more added touches and BAM! None of that ever happens except for the very expensive toys my kids enjoy. Frozen was hella expensive this year. $35.99 on an Elsa doll? What? The sad part about it was that I bought three of those things. All my daughter wanted was Elsa, and she sure did get it. I even made a shopping list so that I could take part in the Black Friday sales. Even that was rigged. I should have read the part where it said only select toys were buy one get one 50% off. Oh well!

But of course none of that matters anymore. Christmas is over, the toys are opened, and the sale is gone. I never realized that this is what my parents went through. I know they are so glad that their kids are out the house LOL!

Weight Loss Journey interruption

I said that I would try to update you all on my exercise/weight loss journey at least once a week. Well here it is!

During the week of Veterans Day, I was out sick! I had gotten all four of my wisdom teeth pulled on monday, and it was not an easy surgery as far as the doctor was concerned. It was also not an easy recovery period for me. Not only did I have to endure almost a week in a half worth of intense pain, but I was also very sick, and it was that time of the month for me -_- I was all jacked up. So for the past two weeks I have not exercised at all. I have not been keeping up with my 100 miles by Christmas.

But guess what today is? KEEP ON MOVING MONDAY! So im back at it. 2 miles per day, 8 miles on the weekends. I have to make up for the miles I lost.

I will also be doing my Couch 2 5k once again. I am currently on week 2 of couch to 5k. And now that I am able to EAT! I will also be getting back on my healthy eating lifestyle. I have to run to the store for a few things. My jaw still hurts a little when eating hard and crunchy foods. I guess I just admitted that ive been eating bad things. After being only able to eat kids chicken noodle soup, applesauce, and a green smoothie for a whole week, it was only right that I eat something that made me feel a little better on the inside. Criticize me if you dare. I know you’d want some too if you were going through it. Oh yeah, included in that list was also my favorite ice cream that I was banned from after buying 2 small tubs of it every week. That Breyers Indulgence Caramal is EXTREMELY GOOD! Sorry im getting carried away.

Anyyyyywhooooo, I can finally go back to my favorite wheat toast, egg whites, and turkey bacon breakfasts.
So what are you guys doing for the holidays? I have been seeing alot of things about how not to gain weight during the holidays. I dont get invited to many holiday festivities. But everyone makes plans for Thanksgiving. My thing is that I will not bring home any Thanksgiving leftovers. I am sure my boyfriend will, but I will eat what I want to eat. And I will enjoy the holidays with my family. Hopefully this even works lol!

Oh yeah! P.S.! Along with my 100 miles by Christmas challenge, I had also made a vow not to look at the scale until Christmas. Well when your sick and your visiting your doctors office of course they always want you to hop on the scale. I promise I didn’t look but she said it out loud and I lost 7 pounds! Maybe even more because I got on the scale with my heavy Air Max sneakers. So I may have lost even more than that! I haven’t gotten back on the scale since, and won’t unless it deals with seeing my doctor. But that jumpstarted my motivation to get moving again! Wow! Seven pounds. I heard the weight falls off more quickly when you are just starting out.

First Serious Week In…

In my previous blog posts, I discussed that I would be tracking my weight loss journey and documenting it on my blog. I want to be able to look back and see how far I have come. I want to be able to see the challenges that I overcame, and be able to show other people what EXACTLY I did to achieve this very strenuous goal.

So my first SERIOUS week in. I have been walking with a co-worker during my hour long lunch. She walks much faster than me and weighs about 60-70 pounds less than I do, but it works. Lately, I have been having a hard time walking because of my shin splints. I believe the weight takes a huge part in it, and also the fact that I am flat footed. It has been slowing me down all week and it is very frustrating. I thought that it may be the type of shoes that I am wearing as well. So I am planning on going to a running shoe store over the weekend, and hopefully finding some even more comfortable shoes. Shoe insoles have never did much for me, but we will see what the shoe experts have to say about that. After much research, shoe insoles do alot more than what I imagined. I guess the Dr. Scholls just doesn’t do much for me. During my research, I found a shoe that I have been interested in. The Lunar Glides have some amazing reviews, we will see what the professionals have to say about it after they take a look at my foot.

I have also been doing my C25K for the hundredth time. After today I will be on Week 1 Day 2. And will also be doing it again this Sunday. A real huge goal for me is to start my Focus T25 once again. I have been seeing some amazing results with some of my colleagues. The weight has been shedding off, and I want to shed some weight off too 😦 I didn’t see any results, but then again I barely finished a full week of it. I am so proud of myself that I have walked 2 miles everyday this week. It has been very hard on not only my legs but also on my back. I have done some research with that too, and just as I knew it, my posture needs some improvement when walking. The faster I walk, the more I tip over forward. It strains my back really bad, and I feel like I can barely make the walk.

This whole thing is a huge adjustment. I am going to try to take it slower. I may be pushing myself too hard with my co-worker. How can I nicely say that I can’t walk with you anymore? She walks much faster than me and has goals that she would like to accomplish too. She is doing training for a job and I don’t want to slow her down. Hmmm, maybe I should just say that. That didn’t sound too harsh!

Anyways, I will have another update up next week. See you soon!

Sometimes you have to remind yourself to keep going…

We all get stuck sometimes. We all fail or make mistakes throughout our journeys of finding ourselves. Many times we slip up and back track when we should be pressing forward. Inconsistency has become my middle name. I have suddenly become a consistent failure. The small amount of goals that I have achieved were only because I had given up at least 20 times before I finally achieved my goal. My day to day agenda revolves around planning my life. I plan what I will eat, when I will clean, what car I will be driving in the near future, what I will go to school for, if I will or will not become a doctor, how I will lose thiss tremendous amount of weight thst has latched onto me like the Pizza Hut I just devoured last night.

I could plan my whole future in a notebook and not follow through with any of it. Why? If I plan, then I will be prepared, but you’re only prepared when you follow through with your plans. Again I ask myself, why not follow through?

Pure and complete LAZINESS!I’m usually very blunt and to the point anyways. There so I answered my own question! It is the one thing that makes me different from those who are successful. It’s always easier to give up than to keep going, and I have always been one to take the 100% risk free, easy route! Yet since it is so easy, I am usually the one who misses out. When you don’t take risks you cannot become truly successful. Not the kind of successful I imagine being anyways. Have you ever met someone who was partially driven? Well you met her now! I can do everything a driven and organized person can do but DRIVE!

So how do I stop this trainwreck? How do I become more of what I want to be. Start somewhere…anywhere…just not here.

So I chose to start with one of the biggest challenges of my life, which is my weight. Being overweight has many more challenges to overcome other than just how heavy you are. It is a physical, mental and emotional thing that you have to overcome. Before I started on my career, I wanted to challenge myself physically by achieving this goal. I’ve never had to challenge myself physically, so this is going to be one of the hardest things ever.

I said that I would document my weight loss journey and I wanted anyone who was going through these same set backs to know that we still have to keep going. I want to look back at this blog post and remember how defeated and hopeless I felt.

Popcorn & Halloween Madness

What a wonderful week of fun! From Frozen On Ice to Halloween Parade fun! Children really do live the life! My daughters went to an awesome Halloween parade last night. It was the first Halloween parade any of us had ever attended and it was quite the experience. So many families and businesses come out and decorate their cars or create floats for the parade. It kind of got me excited to do one. The cutest one I seen was the toddler in a little jail cell, with his prison uniform on. He was behind bars and it had said Wanted for taking all the cookies! Too cute! I wish I would have taken a picture.

Disney On Ice recently came into town and my girls were able to see their favorite movie on ice, FROZEN! Hell, even I was excited. The show was amazing. My girls have been to three of the Disney On Ice shows and this one blew me away. You could tell that they put alot of effort in those costumes. They played the whole movie out on the ice, it was amazing.

Of course, whenever you attend any disney event, the prices are ridiculously expensive. Thirty-eight dollars for 3 Cotton Candy Bags! REALLY? Who in there right mind would want to spend almost forty bucks on COTTON CANDY! We complained and stomped our feet, but the girls stomped theirs even more. We didn’t get the cotton candy, but we did get some snow cones that came in Olaf cups (we have been using them at home) and a bag of popcorn. Another funny moment was when we finally got our $16 Olaf snow cups, ten minutes later one of my kids drop it on the ground! *blank stare*

Unfortunately when the event was over that chaos began, as we were rushing to the car my daughter drops the bag of popcorn and has a melt down! GREAT! To this day she keeps telling me we have to go back to Disney On Ice so we can find her bag of popcorn. LOL! Aren’t kids just adorable?

Mommynista?

I’ve never been the girl to have coolest things in high school. I looked decent, but I was never on trend. I would always see the same group of girls with the latest sneakers on. Or even the same group of girls with the UGG boots. I wanted them so bad, but for $150? My mother would simply pause, laugh hysterically, and then tell me the list of bills she had to pay. My mother never had much and even though my father had a tad bit more, he was never one to spend $150 on a “trend”.

Fast forward several years after graduating, I still want those same shoes that no one would buy me when I was in high school. The fact that I see women in their 40s wearing these boots that I craved for when I was younger makes me a tad jealous. There are obviously knock off boots that I could buy, BUT I WANT THESE! After all of these years, I still get this shoppers craving when I see these cool trends come and go. Why is the real question? Is it the fashionista in me that has been hidden under layers and layers of adulthood and mommydom! I’ve been an Old Navy shopper since I had children. All I rock are mom jeans and oversized tee shirts since I put on all of the baby weight. Wait, can it still be baby weight if my youngest are almost 4? Anyways, why on earth am I so concerned about being stylish now?

I guess after years of changing poopy diapers, constantly having spit up, formula, breast milk and sometimes poo on my shirts, I no longer want to simply dressy comfortably. I want to be a stylish momma all the time. Not only on special occasions. The twins have been potty trained for several months now. Im not nearly as busy as I used to be. The pulled back ponytails are starting to cause some serious balding around my edges anyways. Time to stop being lazy and start taking care of myself, because I do care. My chipped nail polish has been the same for months and I haven’t even attempted to fix it. *sigh* Life as a busy momma! I guess I’ll fix myself up for a nice breakfast. Maybe even put lotion and perfume on!!! I’m such a sad case.